This morning began just like any other with Jack bursting into our room demanding to know where his underpants were, we go through this every single morning like I’ve hidden all his pants deliberately or am wearing them all in bed . Find several pairs of his special seamless pants ( he has decreed that ordinary pants are ” too squashy ” and will now only wear afore mentioned seamless undergarments) of the 5 colours that he was presented with he made his choice. Crisis averted. Ian appears with a much needed coffee which I gratefully receive. We go through our well rehearsed morning routine like a formula one pit crew , scrubbing and dressing uncooperative people whilst fielding ridiculous questions . I manage to shower with just Lucy , cooper the kitten , Gwen the dog and a toy tiger that cost £135 last Friday watching me . After I had dried my hair I noticed that the top I had ironed now had a large stain on it , I am unsure of the origin of said stain which had appeared in the ten minutes it had taken me to shower, I suspect it’s the Diet Coke that Jack was drinking but I learned a long time ago not to sniff anything in this house. I curse silently as I rummage around for a passable garment to wear to work, I briefly wonder if I could get away with wearing an old Halloween costume or my wedding dress ( the second one obviously as the first one wouldn’t fit over one leg now) to work. Thankfully I found a dress that was ironed .
Jack then began a minor riot when he couldn’t find his bag , we pulled the house apart until Ian mentioned he hadn’t actually seen the bag since Friday ( it’s that chaotic here no one noticed) today is Tuesday . Managed to track down the missing bag, one of Jacks support workers had it in the boot of her car. Jack is happy that he knows the whereabouts of his bag , he’s not so happy when I suggest that he take a Star Wars shopping bag to school, poor sod was probably thinking he would look like Roy Cropper. The school transport arrived, kids waved off, time to get to my first meeting.
My day was going really well, I was having lunch with some colleagues at an Italian restaurant as a farewell meal for one of my lovely work mates, when my main course arrived I noticed that all of my cutlery had been cleared away with the plates from our starters , I asked the waiter if I could have some more , he looked at me as if I had asked for a grilled stoat on a bun but non the less he arrived with clean cutlery and a lecture on how my small cutlery was for my starter and my big cutlery was for my main course ( his words) I tried to explain that I knew what cutlery to use but gave up, I mean this guy was looking at me like I was from a cave and quite unused to the concept of eating irons. Half way through lunch ( and being watched by the waiter who by now was surely convinced I was going to steal my knife and fork ) I received a text from Proudfoot to tell me that his Dad had taken a fall and cut his head, they were waiting for an ambulance, I called him and he reassured me that Proudfoot Senior was ok but shaken ( he is fine now ) but he is 90 so of course it’s a worry . The rest of my day passed without incident .
Upon my arrival at home I was delighted to find the ridiculously overpriced seamless socks I had ordered for Lucy had arrived, I am really hopeful that this will put a stop to her trying to flush her socks down the toilet at school. I then remember that it’s pancake day and have a minor panic , thankfully the kids have had pancakes at school so I feel less like Miss Hanigan . I ignore Lucy’s repeated requests to smell her finger , especially when she tells me it’s been up Alice Coopers bum! Jack FaceTimes his Dad as he does every night, I overhear him telling his Dads partner she is going grey, she tells him she’s had her hair done , he replied with “you should ask for your money back ” I silently cringe and decide to shower Lucy as this constant sniffing of her left index finger is starting to bother me.
After both kids are clean, medicated and in bed I collapse on the sofa with a blanket and a bottle of wine , I finally manage to say hello to Ian and we catch up on our day. We are both exhausted. No doubt we will be in bed by 9:30 hoping for a peaceful night, so that we can do it all again tomorrow. Continue reading