At 8:58 this morning Jack was barking like a dog whilst Lucy was vomiting into my handbag. Ian and I just set about cleaning it up as if it was a normal everyday occurrence, which of course in our house it is. We deal with the weird and wonderful on a daily basis and don’t bat an eyelid, it’s only when we share these stories and watch people react with a look of horror or they fall about laughing that we are reminded that we inhabit a different world to most people.
I mean you only have to look around our house to realise we are a bit different. For a start there are medical supplies everywhere, we have a lamppost in the sitting room, all of last year we had a 3ft singing reindeer who was dressed as Santa living at the side of said lamppost , his name was Phil. Phil has returned to the North Pole ( well the attic ) along with Frosty the 5ft 6 singing snowman and a 5ft singing and dancing Santa ( affectionately known as wa*king Santa because of the dodgy positioning of his right arm that goes up and down near his groin whilst he dances along to ” it’s the most wonderful time of the year” . But never fear they have been replaced by the Christmas sodding cow, a rather unusual looking reindeer that Lucy loves more than her family. The daily soundtrack to our lives is the music from Riverdance ( or Rubberdance as Jack calls it) that Lucy watches on repeat, I swear I could dance it myself now.
The weirdness is not contained to our house though, oh no, it goes everywhere with us. We visited the Dr with Jack who proceeded to triage everyone in the waiting room by asking them what was wrong with them, one man clearly had something itchy and embarrassing as he went bright red and squirmed in his seat. I should add that while Jack was doing this Lucy was laying flat out on her face on the floor because she was ” over it” , people had to step over her to get to the reception desk. Then a rather plump lady came in wearing a bright orange padded coat, a very excited Jack bellowed “oh how lovely, you look just like a Halloween pumpkin” I just know she burned that coat when she got home.
One of Jack’s support workers took him to the leisure centre in Swansea, they have a mascot called Tommy the turtle who Jack adores, Jack spotted Tommy walking at the side of the pool and got really excited, he leapt out of the pool while his support worker tried desperately to stop him. Of course he was soaking wet so it was like trying to hold on to a greased pig, he rugby tackled poor Tommy who was flat on his back in a heavy costume with a very happy Jack laying on top of him smothering him with kisses and shouting declarations of love. I’m sure that guy is still in therapy.
Lucy licks the windows constantly, I often wonder what our neighbours think when they walk passed the house and see her.
Then there was that Christmas where Jack took his light sabre in to the kitchen to fight the turkey that was defrosting in the sink. And who can forget the time I caught Jack scrubbing his actual bum hole with my toothbrush!!!! It was pretty vile and made worse by Ian’s question of ” what if it isn’t the first time?” 😷
But as I sit in our family home surrounded by Jacks collection of drinking straws and Lucy’s 40 Furby’s I can’t help but smile. Yes it’s all a bit odd, but then so are we and that’s ok.